just a day, just an ordinary day.

2008-04-22T19:11:00.002-04:00

incase your curious, im not dead
i just have a new blog

www.sarebeth.wordpress.com

rock it.

blessed

2008-04-15T00:43:00.005-04:00

So
Wow.
im almost at a loss for words..
past week or so? have been rediculous.. i felt like nothing but useless. I missed Jeff more and more each day, i didnt know what was going on with my family, and i was all in all, a major grump.
in a matter of hours.. God blessed me and changed me to the happy Sarah you all know and love.
Not many people know, but I havent seen my father since i was 7. Hes a maajor alcoholic and probably the meanest man i knew back then. I thought things changed and i wanted to know my dad. I searched every Rathwell ( which is my actual last name) possible..no dice..until i found christopher charles rathwell, not my dad but my brothers name..so i facebook msged hhim told him about me and i got one back saying he wasnt my brother, but my uncle! So we talked on the phone, all the way from Alberta and he told me about my dad, who was not a nice man. I told him about not talking to him, not getting child support, going to college. And then, he said.. you know, i own an engineering company and im used to covering for my brothers mistakes..could i help pay for your school?
im speechless.
im so blessed.
not just in that area.. ive got the best mother anyone could ask for, and the greatest potential step dad. we dont see eye to eye all the time but he loves my mother.. and thats all i want for her.
Ive also got the best friends, the nicest future roomate..and such an incredible boyfriend. Jeff is fantastic. so understanding and loving.. even though its goign to be rough for a bit.. he holds promise for my future with him.. i love every minute of his company and love
god is great... its coming clear to me.

Oh i just cant wait to be king.

2008-04-13T14:59:00.003-04:00

ive decided my life is exactly like simba when hes a lion cub in the lion king. Im way to eager and want to grow up immediatley. I want to get away from home and start my own life.

but..
im 19, unemployed, still in school.

so frustrating
why cant i meet timon and pumba?!

learn somethin new everyday

2008-04-06T22:34:00.002-04:00

Todays lesson: Up until the moment your about to lose your love, you get by everyday knowing you "love" someone, but dont feel it until the words "I cant do it anymore" are spoken. Then, you learn that in a relationship, you need 2 people to work it out, and you need something to look back on, you need advice from people. Around church, town, and facebook you see jeff and i as "sooooo cute" yet, im a bit of a control freak with a demanding side and hes too incredible for words. Ive got alot to be thankful for, for Jeff, for Jeffs incredible parents, for my God, who answers my prayers...who wants jeff and i together. God, thanks so much for helping jeff and i through your problems.. this post is really for you and jeff to read.. Jeff, you gave me a scare tonight.. please help me, help me be the person you and i want me to be, and i will help you. Thank you for your words, for your hugs, for pickles!(our special thing TOP SECRET!) for your humor, your grace, your love.. for everything. your my light, and my shelter when im sad. I truly believe that God saw how sad i was and sent you to me... i know your mine!
together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance but never in heart.

happyface!

2008-04-06T09:07:00.002-04:00

So, when i first opened my blog one of my first blog post came in the form of a prayer request. On Jan.29th a lady who id call my mother, and the one i look up to was in a terrifying car accident. Way over 100 people prayed for her, whether it was the few who were allowed at her bed side, or the other hundereds who were at home. On Feb. 3rd, she opened her eyes, last week she stood up. and ive been missing her so bad. I went from seeing her every singel sunday at quarter to five am for a timmies run, to..nothing, and i just wanted to see her face. So, i went. Im afraid of hospitals and i didnt even know if she was allowed visitors but i went. As soon as i walked into her room, i got the same response from her i always got .. "HI HONEY!" she was excited. She told her all about her face surgery she had so she didnt look scary, she showed me all her scars and then told me all about her new elbow but that was it..then she went into mom mode... what about college, is connexus boring without me, YOUR GOING TO GEORGIAN!? your so smart, are you getting a job? oh i know youll get that one!!...she was so concerned about me, and yet shed just be through..well..hell! She wanted to know how and when i found out about her accident. she wanted me to sign her calander so she knew what day i came, she told me to bring my mom back because she misses her. It was so great to see Cindy, she was excited because the nurses gave her a haircut and now we have the same hair!! And even same bangs:)
<3. God does answer prayers. If i didnt believe it before i sure do now.... oh boy do i ever.

innocence

2008-04-04T17:45:00.002-04:00

Since i started working at the daycare, ive taken an all new appreciation for kindergartens. Most of the kids i work with go through so much. But one in particular.. i wont use names just in case, but hes adorable. Like most of the families, the government pays for most of his daycare, because there parents can only afford so much. Up until yesterday he was the happiest boy i knew, who only was unhappy when he had to leave all the toys and friends at daycare. His blonde curly hair is gorgeous and his eyes are more blue than mine (close buddies know my eyes are as blue as the ocean!) Yesterday, was his last day of daycare. Mom has been looking for a job for so long, getting interviews but no call back, one right after the other. She only bays 5 bucks a day, while the government pays the rest but she couldnt do it anymore, and my little buddy is gone. Today, when I was picking up the kiddies from school, (i would normally pick him up aswell) he joined our line and he wouldnt leave, it broke my heart to see him wail and scream and say he didnt want to go home with mom and wanted to come with me and play with toys. I wish i could take out my wallet and give his mom everything i have to bring him back. The kids i teach go through so much, and they hate change.. i wish i could give them the world.

well..youve got her love.

2008-04-03T18:42:00.003-04:00

When my mom first introduced me to her fiancee I fell inlove, he was awesome and i was so excited to have a dad after 7 or so years without one, i liked how he made the effort to drive to Barrie from Ottawa every weekend and i thought it was sweet when he did groceries and even did some really nice things for us like getting ondemand cable stuff and getting my mom a new cell. Now he's in. He moved all his stuff from Ottawa and lives here officially... and i hate it. He doesnt smile at me or kiss my head or tease me like he did before, he makes up rules and tell my mom how stuff to say to me (since when has my mom threaten to kick me out if ii didnt stop leaving magazines in the bathroom?) and hes conving my mom im lazy and dont do anythign around the house. newsflash,, i used to be my mothers keeper... i cleaned, made dinner, told her where her keys were.. ive been replaced.. she doesnt even treat me the same as she did. i just want out.

a church rant.. sue me.

2008-03-31T22:00:00.002-04:00

so, after hosting and working within kids ministry at Trinity and Connexus for 3 years, my candle has finally been blown out. Currently at Connexus, theres only 2 other people serving on the drama team, 2 other on the waumba land team and 1 on the dance team and im serving in all 3 of these, quite often on the same Sunday, and honestly... im tired of it. I miss having a building so bad, I miss being able to lay down on the church floor without finding last nights movie popcorn or lay in a pool of old sticky coke. To be honest, the kids dont even seem to be enthused anymore. Yelling the the superhero song used to be the highlight of any churched kids sunday...now they are just there wondering why they are sitting in a movie theater on a sunday morning.
i lost my train of thought.
dang.

jeff is teaching me how o do bullets

2008-03-27T12:39:00.002-04:00

yeeaaahhh!!
im pro now
whoa.. they wont stop?

now their gone.,
so now that im a certified genius. id like to point out, im using a mac for the very first time in my life right now. that just ups my "ballin" potential.

i really just freaking want to...

2008-03-26T21:11:00.001-04:00

*wear sandals
*go for a run
*go swimming
*go see cindy
*move to orillia already
*finish highschool
*make things better with grandma
*see jeffrey.

chika chika yeah

2008-03-24T23:20:00.001-04:00

life is sweet.
i have a roomate named Elle, and i dont have to live at grandmas house! scratch Hillsdale kids, im livin right in Orillia!
Sooo happy!

do my english homework.

2008-03-19T12:10:00.000-04:00

so.. whats a good song.. about money?
:) ill take anything!

to do list... disregard..haha

2008-03-17T23:25:00.000-04:00

-clean room
-do laundry
-do taxes
-finish english isu
-12angrymen sparknotes
-inherit the wind sparknotes
-the pearl sparknotes
-get glasses fixed
-go to the gym
-get grad photos
-dye hair
-sleep.

small=done!

new?

2008-03-13T21:54:00.000-04:00

so.
the following is the " new and improved" Sarah-Elizabeth Martin.
first of all, my name is sadly Sarah Rathwell...lol, its my dads last name and also my legal last name so im changing back to thatt, for schoooool and junk.
yes, to confirm the rumours...if there were to be any...jeff and i did almost break up, it was sad, there were tears and all that typical break up sorta stuff..but no way jose, theres no breaking that bond.
ive accepted my georgian offer despite my wanting to "get out". however, i am moving and as of september 1st my address shall beee
4449 Penetanguishene Rd.
Basement appartment
Hillsdale Ontario
WOOOOO!
im thinking about going blonde and red..
so yeah
fresh start for saremiester... we'll see how she goes

help!

2008-03-11T21:32:00.000-04:00

i want to know...for all those "in a relationship", how do you keep happy? keep yourself from being at eachothers throats?... Everyone, including myself know that Jeff and I are perfect for eachother, its just...sometimes... i cant help but let my temper get the best of me, and other times im a pereeetty bad person. so... what keeps your relationship together?!.
sare

ps.
this entry is directed towards the time my anger went to far, thanks for second chances jeff, i know we'll make it work. :)

wedding bells! and some other neat stuff.

2008-03-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

Wedding bells is correct! my friend Jenna is engaged to marry her fiancee Josiah this year! pretty exciting! and MORE wedding bells! not from jeffrey and i yet, but as i was laying upstairs last night, my mom came in and told me her and her boyfriend are planning on getting married:)! I know my mom has already been married twice, but Im thinkin this is the real deal. My mom and him were together and inlove in highschool before he moved to ottawa, and now they met over facebook and are inlove all over again! so i am excited!
As far as other stuff goes, ive been thinkin alot about maturity. Jeff, my best friend Sarah and I went out and handed out millions of resumes yesterday and carrying on with it today. Jeff and I are starting to work out at Goodlife and on the weekend we (jeff and I) told everything we wanted to tell eachother. There were tears, smiles, angry faces, silent treatments, but it was worth it. Because now we know where we stand in eachothers lives, it feels good.
in other news.. Pat Dryburgh, we miss ya man. I thought i was crazy when i kept thinking about the time you did Augustanas Boston and the fact that its been stuck in my head for almost a week now. Weirdest thing ever, that exact story is Patrick Voo's facebook status. Were missing ya man!
thanks for readin,
sare

ps. check out brad macdonalds blog! he's the swiss cheese ontop of a cracker!

boooooring.

2008-02-25T21:36:00.000-05:00

i feel the need to send an update to the 2 people who have subscribed to me. haha. although i have absolutley nothing to write about.. ill start and see where she goes.

I got the chance to tracel to Niagara and see the falls, which i havent done since i was a little gaffer! it was magical and it was spent with 3 of my best friends:)
Ive been accepted to colleges and im getting all geared up and excited to get out of Barrie and start new:)
and maybe some exciting stuff with me and the jeffrey? youll have to wait and see:)
sare.

:)

2008-02-21T00:49:00.000-05:00

you know what rocks? being happy. and slowly, (but surely) change is starting to rock. This is coming from the girl who hated change. But i want it. I'm applying for jobs as camp counsellors at various christian summer camps across Ontario, I wear my glasses everyday, I'm getting incredible grades, i'm accepting people leaving, and coming into my life and i'm even praying more. In just under 200 days (and counting) ill be moving out, and starting some form of independance. I started a new placement in a daycare/nursery school. I even started to clean my room ( jeff are you stoked or what?!) Today 2 people told me they were proud of me. I really like that. I only heard that when i was little if i got a medal in figure skating, or brought home a sheet of paper saying i passed a figureskating test. so life is good. As soon as i learn how to sleep..man.. ill have life down pat!

speaking of pat.. if you happen to read this pattyd..what shall i get you for your birthday?! ahah

so thanks for putting up with my pathetic sad moment posts. but this girl...is grinning ear to ear!

jeffreywilliam

2008-02-19T10:13:00.001-05:00

Ever since i saw you burning your hand on that tea kettle at church last January, i knew i wanted to get to know you. Your smile that night told me you were embarrassed and i fell inlove that second. I remember the first text message, perfectly. I remember Gill convincing me to ask you to come to the mall. I remember the colts game, and thinking you just wanted to be friends. I remember Februay 22nd 2007. I didnt think it was possible to fall so hard again, but it happened. Im so happy that I found my prince. Someone who is patient (and taught me to ride a snowmobile!) kind, does not envy, is not jealous. i love you. thank you. i cant wait to finish planning our life. its been so short but im already excited to call myself Mrs.Sarah Andrews one day. you are perfect, maybe not in the eyes of the world, but in my eyes you are. happy one year. sare<3

2008-02-13T11:50:00.001-05:00

i hate this feeling. I feel so helpless and sad. i couldnt even convince myself to get out of bed and go to school. its february. its suppose to be the happiest month for me right now. Valentines, 1 year, niagara. but im not happy. i want to go back to mid january and start all over.

most of all
im afraid to loose him.

so i guess this is growing up

2008-02-11T20:06:00.000-05:00

im itching to leave, and to start my own life. Im tired of my mom and shes ready to re-do her life without me. shes got a boyfriend now. finally someone who will treat her really good. someone i would even considering calling daddy. i havent said daddy in years. So i just want out. I want to be independant. I want to paint my wall dark purple, and have my room as messy as i want. I want to be an adult already. I want to be with him, in my own house. ah. how i long to be so grown up, when secretly i fear it?

in regards to my last post

2008-02-07T11:23:00.000-05:00

i am the offcial owner of 12 hours of sleep.

blah

2008-02-06T07:36:00.000-05:00

im currently on the successful road of slowly killing myself.
maybe not killing
exhausting?
super.

half way to independance.

2008-02-04T01:00:00.000-05:00

tomorrow morning i will officially be half way to independance. And all weekend independance was being considered as me moving to scarborough in september. but nono! next year i will be relocating to Orillia, because i have recieved acceptance letter number 2,3 and 4! So thats the deal. im going to revamp my grandmas basement and live down there for my first year or so. finish college then off to Christian University! man. i love life plans.
i love life! for some reason, from tuesday till...last night. i decided the good thing to do was to not sleep. last night i slept for EIGHT hours. im not even kidding! it was amazing. cindys making great progress:) shes not the most serious.. "case?" in the..."ward?". anyway, check pats blog if your curious (http://www.patdryburgh.net/) aaaaand, pray for jeff whos going into surgery this thursday.
xo
sare

worship/tributetopatd/cindy.

2008-02-03T00:01:00.000-05:00

today. i was slaving away at my part time job, in which i hate in large amounts (luckily i have a job interview monday morning) when i illegaly put on life100.3 (NOT ALLOWED!!!!-at my workplace.. 104.1 only!) when i caight some chris tomlin blastin. Such a saweeeet tune to make a bed and clean a bathtub too, let me tell you. Anyway, i got into thought of my..personal worship? Cue October 2003. Acquire The Fire. My very first time with my only church friend Carissa Beattie and the coolest youth pastor around. People everywhere were hand raisin lung screamin fancy dancy loving jesus. and i was like what the heck? what happened to singing? freakin heck. 2 and a bit years later, Carissa once again is like hey lets go to another retreat in muskoka! im dancin, hand raisin all thast stuff. i matured alot! let me tell you. this brings me to patrick dryburgh. The song that happened to be on the radio was Amazing Grace (My chains are gone?) Patty D came rollin around to our church last Feb. and when gill told me i was like WHAT!? PLAYED IN HELLO KELLY?! YOUR LYING (dear pat, i failed to ever tell you in our year of being buddies i was formerly obsessed with hello kelly) anyway, the very ever first time i heard this amazing grace song was when pat played it. It was the first time in a while i remember actually feeling like worship. This is where i run out of energy and end in sayin Pat you are a champ and one of the most talented people(s?) i have ever met and Gods going to use you in many ways buddy! Thanks for reminding me what worship is about.
Ps. Cindy opened her eyes today! Ive never cried so hard as when my grandma came to my work just to tell me that. greatest thing ever.
anywhoo...church at 5:30 tomorrow.. yeeehaw.
sare

accepted.

2008-02-01T10:50:00.000-05:00

i have received my first college acceptance! not georgian, but centennial! i have accepted their offer, however if i get one from georgian illl be taking that instead!

Cindy had her 2nd operation, shes still unconcious and were still praying. the kids are coming back to oro for school and are smiling! God is good! On your list of prayers please pray for my friend/worship leader pat. he needs some guidance big time.

sare

ps. props to gill on getting accepted to centennial and fleming! love you b!

tadaaa. guess whos happy?!

2008-01-31T10:31:00.002-05:00

hey! thanks for your prayers for Cindy. Most people ive talked to, including myself are happier and are smiling (and sleeping) more as were receiving our updates from both Carey and Pat. Thanks again for praying for cindy and her kids!!! Cindy is in critical BUT STABLE! condition, and to put it in careys words were not "out of the woods yet" but, Cindy is making progress and doctors are looking to sstart the other "repairs" (so to speak). its hard. i want to hug her so bad and even though she knows i would tell her how much i love her. Last night after praying i found myself saying, Can you pass a message to Cindy? and i just started talking to her. telling her i still owe her that coffee and that im still buying her the loudest alarm clock ever. little things. i miss her so much.

as for me, i woke up this morning smiling. i thought about college alot last night and ive decided on.. (drum role) Georgian. I applied for 3 programs so im getting in. Im not doing this for Jeff. its for me. Im not ready to leave this.. This= my life, my family, and yes jeff and my friends. Maybe as i gain more independance ill apply to other colleges or stay out my college experience at home then go away for uni. its all in the Lords hands.
xo

jeff

2008-01-31T10:31:00.001-05:00

has a blog.

www.jeffwandrews.blogspot.com

UPDATE! already:)

2008-01-30T12:55:00.000-05:00

hiii. big props to pat dryburgh whos updating everyone. Cindy had 35 of her close friends with her last night at the hospital, and her trinity family, her connexus family and all her other friends praying for her. Last night she had surgery on her arm. The operating doctor said it was the worst they had ever seen and if her arms stiffens up they will replace her elbow. but the doctor came out of surgery pretty optimistic! . After a lengthy operation, some metal plates were put in, and the doctor came out of the surgery genuinely optimistic. Her kids are staying at a hotel with friends. please remember to pray for cindy kayla alyssa and kyle. they need our prayers and all our love!

sare

please pray.

2008-01-30T11:54:00.000-05:00

Hey all. yesterday a good friend of my family was in a severe car accident. she was airlifted to a toronto hospital where shes suffering from several severe broken bones and much more. Before you start, end or even in the middle of your day please take time to pray for my friend cindy and her 3 young kids. I know the lord is in this and he hears our prayer. cindy is a beautiful woman whos job on earth is not nearly over. thanks:)

new!

2008-01-29T00:13:00.000-05:00

the big transition from xanga to.. this.

still all up in that big college decision. The toss up is between Centennial and here at home, Georgian. ahhhhh!

The good news is, my last exam is tomorrow. :)

sare