incase your curious, im not dead
i just have a new blog

www.sarebeth.wordpress.com

rock it.

blessed

So
Wow.
im almost at a loss for words..
past week or so? have been rediculous.. i felt like nothing but useless. I missed Jeff more and more each day, i didnt know what was going on with my family, and i was all in all, a major grump.
in a matter of hours.. God blessed me and changed me to the happy Sarah you all know and love.
Not many people know, but I havent seen my father since i was 7. Hes a maajor alcoholic and probably the meanest man i knew back then. I thought things changed and i wanted to know my dad. I searched every Rathwell ( which is my actual last name) possible..no dice..until i found christopher charles rathwell, not my dad but my brothers name..so i facebook msged hhim told him about me and i got one back saying he wasnt my brother, but my uncle! So we talked on the phone, all the way from Alberta and he told me about my dad, who was not a nice man. I told him about not talking to him, not getting child support, going to college. And then, he said.. you know, i own an engineering company and im used to covering for my brothers mistakes..could i help pay for your school?
im speechless.
im so blessed.
not just in that area.. ive got the best mother anyone could ask for, and the greatest potential step dad. we dont see eye to eye all the time but he loves my mother.. and thats all i want for her.
Ive also got the best friends, the nicest future roomate..and such an incredible boyfriend. Jeff is fantastic. so understanding and loving.. even though its goign to be rough for a bit.. he holds promise for my future with him.. i love every minute of his company and love
god is great... its coming clear to me.

Oh i just cant wait to be king.

ive decided my life is exactly like simba when hes a lion cub in the lion king. Im way to eager and want to grow up immediatley. I want to get away from home and start my own life.

but..
im 19, unemployed, still in school.

so frustrating
why cant i meet timon and pumba?!

learn somethin new everyday

Todays lesson: Up until the moment your about to lose your love, you get by everyday knowing you "love" someone, but dont feel it until the words "I cant do it anymore" are spoken. Then, you learn that in a relationship, you need 2 people to work it out, and you need something to look back on, you need advice from people. Around church, town, and facebook you see jeff and i as "sooooo cute" yet, im a bit of a control freak with a demanding side and hes too incredible for words. Ive got alot to be thankful for, for Jeff, for Jeffs incredible parents, for my God, who answers my prayers...who wants jeff and i together. God, thanks so much for helping jeff and i through your problems.. this post is really for you and jeff to read.. Jeff, you gave me a scare tonight.. please help me, help me be the person you and i want me to be, and i will help you. Thank you for your words, for your hugs, for pickles!(our special thing TOP SECRET!) for your humor, your grace, your love.. for everything. your my light, and my shelter when im sad. I truly believe that God saw how sad i was and sent you to me... i know your mine!
together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance but never in heart.

happyface!

So, when i first opened my blog one of my first blog post came in the form of a prayer request. On Jan.29th a lady who id call my mother, and the one i look up to was in a terrifying car accident. Way over 100 people prayed for her, whether it was the few who were allowed at her bed side, or the other hundereds who were at home. On Feb. 3rd, she opened her eyes, last week she stood up. and ive been missing her so bad. I went from seeing her every singel sunday at quarter to five am for a timmies run, to..nothing, and i just wanted to see her face. So, i went. Im afraid of hospitals and i didnt even know if she was allowed visitors but i went. As soon as i walked into her room, i got the same response from her i always got .. "HI HONEY!" she was excited. She told her all about her face surgery she had so she didnt look scary, she showed me all her scars and then told me all about her new elbow but that was it..then she went into mom mode... what about college, is connexus boring without me, YOUR GOING TO GEORGIAN!? your so smart, are you getting a job? oh i know youll get that one!!...she was so concerned about me, and yet shed just be through..well..hell! She wanted to know how and when i found out about her accident. she wanted me to sign her calander so she knew what day i came, she told me to bring my mom back because she misses her. It was so great to see Cindy, she was excited because the nurses gave her a haircut and now we have the same hair!! And even same bangs:)
<3. God does answer prayers. If i didnt believe it before i sure do now.... oh boy do i ever.

innocence

Since i started working at the daycare, ive taken an all new appreciation for kindergartens. Most of the kids i work with go through so much. But one in particular.. i wont use names just in case, but hes adorable. Like most of the families, the government pays for most of his daycare, because there parents can only afford so much. Up until yesterday he was the happiest boy i knew, who only was unhappy when he had to leave all the toys and friends at daycare. His blonde curly hair is gorgeous and his eyes are more blue than mine (close buddies know my eyes are as blue as the ocean!) Yesterday, was his last day of daycare. Mom has been looking for a job for so long, getting interviews but no call back, one right after the other. She only bays 5 bucks a day, while the government pays the rest but she couldnt do it anymore, and my little buddy is gone. Today, when I was picking up the kiddies from school, (i would normally pick him up aswell) he joined our line and he wouldnt leave, it broke my heart to see him wail and scream and say he didnt want to go home with mom and wanted to come with me and play with toys. I wish i could take out my wallet and give his mom everything i have to bring him back. The kids i teach go through so much, and they hate change.. i wish i could give them the world.

well..youve got her love.

When my mom first introduced me to her fiancee I fell inlove, he was awesome and i was so excited to have a dad after 7 or so years without one, i liked how he made the effort to drive to Barrie from Ottawa every weekend and i thought it was sweet when he did groceries and even did some really nice things for us like getting ondemand cable stuff and getting my mom a new cell. Now he's in. He moved all his stuff from Ottawa and lives here officially... and i hate it. He doesnt smile at me or kiss my head or tease me like he did before, he makes up rules and tell my mom how stuff to say to me (since when has my mom threaten to kick me out if ii didnt stop leaving magazines in the bathroom?) and hes conving my mom im lazy and dont do anythign around the house. newsflash,, i used to be my mothers keeper... i cleaned, made dinner, told her where her keys were.. ive been replaced.. she doesnt even treat me the same as she did. i just want out.